A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
