Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize