You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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