oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
