Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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