Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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