just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
