i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
