Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
