is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
