They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
