bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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