you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize