know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
