dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
