so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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