I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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