found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize