my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
