Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize