And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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