I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize
