do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
