he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
