look no pants
Please, let me fuck your mom
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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