He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize