Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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