I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
