This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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