Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
