Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So vagazzling was a success
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
