If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize