The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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