Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
