just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
His hands were made for my vagina.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
