Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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