You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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