Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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