its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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