tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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