Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
