omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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