Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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