im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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