if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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