By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Holy sore nipples Batman
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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