apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
