Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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