In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
