she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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