i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
