If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
