I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
