Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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