i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
