see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
