how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We have started to decorate penises.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
