You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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