I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
