I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
