i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
