everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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