i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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