So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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