3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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