then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
