I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
