I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I think I sprained my soul last night
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
