I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
