The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
