have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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