I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
