Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
