Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
