I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize