My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
