Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
