I just saw a hot homeless man
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
