it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
worst night to have a conscience
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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