update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
