similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
