Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
