i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
