I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
