and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
