that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
