hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
