you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
His nipple licking is glorious
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
