I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
