South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Couch. On fire.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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