I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
