Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
