She said her name was "party"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
