rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
