she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
