I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize