I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
