I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Randomize
