Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
